How do we know if any of the decisions we're making are the right ones? For so long I've been quiet and idle, and let people suck the juice from my soul, but that's over. I'm sick of being the last one to love myself, because in the end no one really does, since I don't- or didn't. But now I'm learning, and making appropriate changes.
This is where the confusion sets in. I just ended things with my fuck buddy, I've been ignoring my mom for two weeks, detaching myself from certain friends, and mentally ending things with all of the "randoms" that I've been talking to recently. Because I deserve to feel special, and associate my heart with only those who choose to value me. I don't want to be part of a guy's games, I don't want to only be fucked in the backseat of a beamer, I don't want to try so hard to keep in touch with unreliable friends, I don't want to sit across from my mother over sushi, listening to her rant on about how she has never neglected me.
I know that often times when people detach themselves from others, it's because they are empty, depressed, etc. ... which is why I baffle myself. I truly believe I'm doing this out of love for myself for once, but how am I supposed to know if that's correct, or even the truth? I refuse to live inside the cycles of my mind, I want to break them down, so I can begin to flow; flow down the river that I had always envisioned going down; a scenic route of life- full of tiger lily roads, love, opportunities, and where I can't see a single razor blade for miles.
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