and the men continue...

So i just hungout with the 4th guy in the past week. And, it was Kyle... the kid I lost my virginity to. I got home almost an hour ago, and my heart is still beating too fast. I can't believe I saw him, it's been two years, but it's like our lips had never parted. I almost had sex with him, but I controlled myself, because I've been so good with staying celibate. I'm not being celibate just to restrain from the actual act of sex, but just because I think it's helping to promote more self worth. If I stand my ground, and don't let guys think I'm just an object then it'll make me want to treat myself better. I think it's working; last night when I saw Lou he actually took me to the movies, paid, and it was the first time we hungout and didn't have sex. It is kind of annoying though, because I told myself that this summer was about ME and that I wasn't even going to concern myself with guys, and just do ME... you know.. stay on the right track and such. But I guess I am... I haven't cut in a over three months, and I'm staying zen and letting the negativity flow out of me when it comes. And I'm getting another tattoo on Tuesday... I would've gotten it yesterday, but she's always so in demand. I'm excited though. I still get urges, and I still get dark, but for once I'm following my own advice, and taking life one day, hour, minute and breath at a time.