fear.

i'm scared that i won't be able to keep this up... this sanity, this stability, these healthy ways of coping. it's been three months since i've cut... and i've only had a handful of urges, but i'm just scared that it won't last. i'm scared that my moods will always be all over the place, and that it will affect my relationships for my entire life. i'm scared that my "independence" will just evolve into loneliness, and i'm not prepared to live a life like that. i hope that things just fall into place as i grow older, but i fear that they won't. i know that i cannot let these fears dictate my thoughts and actions, but i just have to get them out before they completely plague my mind.