Mother's Day is such a bittersweet holiday. It's beautiful, meaningful, and gives me purpose, because being a mother is one of the things about my future that excites me the most.
Mother's Day however, is just always somewhat depressing for me. Right around Mother's Day in 7th grade, my mom threw onto my lawn everything that I had ever given to her (including her wedding dress that she told me she was saving for me just incase), letting the sprinklers drench every item. In 8th grade, it was the first Mother's Day that I spent knowing we were estranged, and thinking we might never speak again. Or in 10th grade (the first Mother's Day after I called my mom to make amends), when my Mom briefly disowned me again, because I spent most of Mother's Day with my Dad and Lori instead of her.
I used to cry over her, and cry over Lori, because we it really got bad between us for the better part of my teenage years. Mother's Day has since gotten easier, because Lori and I have gotten a lot closer, and my mom is (somewhat) present in my life. But it's just not easier thinking about past Mother's Days, and seeing how almost every single one of my close friends are best friends with their Mothers. I know I have things that they don't, and I'm grateful for that, but it doesn't make this day any less sad. I sometimes call my mom, and act excited and treat her as if we have the relationship that I've always longed for, but I know that really helps no one, because I can only fool myself for so long; in reality, I'm 6 hours from Lori, and my mom isn't answering her phone.
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